5/6-editing on my phone was difficult so i couldn't write a long post last night. i gave up.

i have belief that i will improve and overcome what ever i am experiencing. i just need to be more active
but lonliness is playing a significant role in my mood. i dont feel connected to much around me or myself..so
i have this lingering ache for something or someone to nuture me. it's painful to feel lonely. a lot of the dialogue
that surrounds me lacks emotion sometimes. sometimes it is too analytical..scientific..factual. i want
the softness of a first love, or the satisfaction of a eating a nice homecooked meal. love. comfort. a soft blanket.

5/5-first day of therapy..will continue working with them..i feel like i a lost and confused bout other things

5/4-it's been a hectic week. i haven't started treatment yet, but quite nervous about it. i feel so
disconnected from my body. sometimes i wonder if ill ever feel whole or connected to myself. read more about
trauma survivors...and i will try to not be as hard on myself...it's strange to loo k at yourself as a
disappointment when most of what's happened wasn't even my fault. maybe it's lack of understanding from my parents
which is funny b/c they had traumatic childhoods as well...but i dont know if they even know that. what a cycle.

5/2-terribly close to getting helppp...been feeling very numb. even good news isn;t lifting my spirits
time has been all over the place. trying to piece together memories it'is broken//chopped and screwed.
have not been sleeping well at all. i am back to listening to podcasts to help quiet my inner dialogue.
i enjoy ones about crime and cyber attacks the most. i wishi could sleep better. i feel quite empty most of
the time. and intensified nervousness about a lot of things...small or big..just everything. i feel sad that
i make people read about it..i hope my thoughts dont infect them..


8/29-it's been almost 4 months since i posted. lovely things have happened. internally, not too good. never has been